Christopher Sieber The Ballad Of Farquaad
[Lord Farquaad]
My Daddy was a miner
So he wasn't much around
Foraging for diamonds
A life spent underground
Daddy didn't talk much
He barely said "Hello."
He'd simply mutter, "Heigh, ho."
And off to work he'd go
Daddy was grumpy
My Momma was a princess
Who left her crown behind
Daddy was her true love
So Momma didn't mind
I never knew my Momma
But she could've been a queen
She married way beneath her...
Beneath her knee, I mean
Oh, Daddy's bed was lumpy
So Mommy couldn't sleep
Daddy built a new one
So tall and so steep!
Twenty five mattresses she slept upon
One night she rolled over...
And Momma was gone
So Daddy was grumpy!
Me and my old man
A tale as old as dirt
A bitter, distant father
In a tiny undershirt
Daddy up and left me
Left me good as dead
Now he lives in squalor...
Sleepin' seven to a bed!
(spoken)
Oh, if you could only see me now
Daddy, I'd invite you to the wedding
But you have to be this tall to get in!
(laughs)
[Lord Farquaad (Guards)]
My bride-to-be is gorgeous!
Her wedding dress, designer!
The guest list will be major!
Without a minor miner!
(Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!)
Packs of royal lackeys
Playing violin
(Strings of royal underlings)
Who will not let you in
Ha, ha! Ha, ha! Ha, ha!
Tricked out carriage!
(Tricked out carriage)
Twenty stallions!
(Twenty stallions)
With a coachman named Raoul (With a coachman named Raoul!)
Big reception
(Big reception)
With a boy band
(With a boy band)
And a royal DJ by the pool!
Yes, I can see my future
And so it shall be done
It's total domination
With some torture just for fun
'Cause I will have my wedding
And I will have a queen
And once I get that crown on
You will get the guillotine
And I'll punish you, Daddy
'Cause I'm all grown-up
And bigger than you'll ever know!
You're gonna pay, Daddy!
It's any day, Daddy!
I'm off to work! Heigh, ho!