Exhumed A Funeral Party
(In which a shocking discovery is made in West Port, Edinburgh, the repellant nature and lurid details of which stun and shock the city to its very core)
“...a most extraordinary circumstance that took place on Friday night, the 31s t October 1828, in a House in the West Port, Edinburgh, where an old Woman of the name of Campbell is supposed to have been Murdered, and her Body Sold to a Medical Doctor.” - Edinburgh Broadsheet 3r d of November, 1828
“Up the close and doun the stair
But and been with Burke and Hare
Burke's the butcher, Hare's the thief
Knox the boy that buys the beef” - 19t h century Edinburgh skipping rhyme
Hare: Follow me to my humble lodging
What's mine is yours, such as it may be
Dr. Knox: Enjoy the hospitality, soon you'll be cold dead anatomy
Hare: Along the narrow, crooked wynd
Then through the close, this house you'll find
Dr. Knox: So many honored guests to fete, always an empty bed to let
Chorus: A funeral party
Hare: Drink up, the hour is growing late
Chorus: A funeral party
Dr. Knox: The fete will end when you meet your fate
Hare: Here you may rest from your journeys
And warm your bones with a dram of whiskey
Dr. Knox: Drink to what's left of your health, soon you'll be another corpse to sell
Hare: Intoxicated, the room starts to spin
And at that moment our night work begins
Dr. Knox: Quietly asphyxiate, you see your end, but far too late
Chorus: A funeral party
Burke: Drink up, the hour is growing late
Chorus: A funeral party
Dr. Knox: S tuff the carcass in a crate
Narrator: All revels must come to their end
So for the constable the tenants send
False friends meet most unpleasant ends
The corpus delicti now made evident
Solo – Matthew Harvey
Solo – Michael Burke
Solo – Matthew Harvey
Chorus: A funeral party
Burke: Step inside and have a quaff
Chorus: A funeral party
Hare: Where guests soon shuffle off
Chorus: A funeral party
Narrator: Protests of innocence rebuffed
Chorus: A funeral party
Narrator: The life of the party - snuffed
