Dance Contest Lyrics

Frank Zappa Dance Contest

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Bob Harris (keyboards, trumpet, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

FZ:
"One of, one of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this particular place, because it has - it has a stage that is conducive to, how you say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there's one thing that I really like, it's, uh, audience participation. Now listen... I gotta figure out something that I can, uh - do you think we should have another dance contest tonight? Oh, hey - the injured person dance contest. Ah, well, let's see...Awright, I'll tell you what we're going to do. Here's a, here's a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey. Okay..."

BUTCH:
"You are great, man - you are great. You are the best, baby. Do 'Dinah-Moe Humm.'"

FZ:
"All right, now wait a minute - what's your name? Hey, hey - what's your name?"

BUTCH:
"Butch."

FZ:
"Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here's, here's a girl that wants to dance with Butch. What's your name?"

LENA:
"Lena."

FZ:
"What?"

LENA:
"Lena."

FZ:
"Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Heh heh. Okay, let's see - that guy there, with his...that - that one there with the teeshirt on - no, no, the other one - this one - no, no - no no no, wait a minute, wait... well, you're - actually, you're very nice, though. Would you like to come up here? ...Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself? You, you're sure you can behave yourself? ...Okay, what's your name?"

GUY:
"Tom, man. (mumble, mumble) you, baby, I (mumble, mumble)(gurgle) you (mumble, mmf, etc.)."

GUY:
"Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc."

FZ:
"Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait..."

GUY:
"(mumble, mmf.) Ugliness! Ugliness!"

OTHER GUY:
"Frank, you're my buddy! Arrgh, mmf."

FZ:
"Awright, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin' - there's more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. Now..."

GUY (BUTCH?):
"Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?"

FZ:
"Sure. All right, now you - he wants to get his girlfriend - go get your girlfriend."

GIRL:
"Hey Zap!"

FZ:
"Good to see you again."

GIRL:
"Squeak!"

FZ:
"I know."

GUY:
"I ain't no f..cking queer."

FZ:
"All right, now look, here's what we're going to do. Awright. Now. This - they'll be mashed, I'll save them, I'll save them for later."

GUY:
"I'm not a f..cking queer."

FZ:
"This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he's not a queer. He's not queer, he's not queer. Awright, and now... You are going to dance, like you've never danced before..."