Half Man Half Biscuit Get Kramer
We’ve got Kramer coming over
To produce us
So that we can show off to our specialist friends
Go down to the Falcon in Camden and say
I’ll have a pint for myself and a pint for the ex-MC5
Aleister Crowley knew my father, or rather
Business once took Dad up into the glens
Where in a small hotel bar Crowley asked
“Have you got change for the fruit machine chief, I’m
all out?”
Dear Mr McGee,
Please find enclosed the latest demo from Liquid Greek.
Derided by the mainstream as shoe-gazing also-rans, the
band have nevertheless persevered with their off-
kilter-or-nothing policy in the hope that someone like
your good self will eventually realise, and thus
promote, this violent yet ultimately beautiful genre
which we have dubbed ‘new noise’. The first track is
based upon the high-pitched lamentations of an
unbalanced Lincoln woman, who nurses injured buzzards
back to health inside her dead child’s wardrobe. We
hope you like it.
Yours sincerely,
Liquid Greek
PS - We don’t like sport of any kind, and friends at
school were very much thin on the ground
This land is my land
This land is not your land
So please get off now or I’ll go and fetch the farm
hand
And he will come running in a red cap-sleeve T-shirt
And a West Country smile that says “I’ll give you Kick
Out The Jams”