Kerser Bad Habits
[Verse 1]
I don't know how deep to go
But I'ma let it all out so come peep the show
Got my first Xanny of my mate, I ain't gonna say his name
It was fun at the start, I used to treat it like a game
This around the time when The Nebulizer dropped
I was on all types of shit, but there's one I couldn't stop
And it played with my brain, but I focused on the music
I focused so much, didn't realize I abused it
Never had a plan to stop, not in that prediction
Going through fame, couldn't see I had addictions
One turned to two, turned to three, turned to four
Then I need about six a day, a little bit more
Mixin' it with lean, gotta stop people seein'
What damages can be by lookin' at me, shit
What to do 'cause I feel like a fool
And I hate any rapper makin' Xannies look cool
Shit was gettin' bad, I was filled up with hateful
Thoughts in my mind, I would argue with April
Agreed I would stop, shit I'll give it a go
By the first f..ckin' night, felt like slittin' my throat
Second night, my body shaking the ambulance appear
And I'm thinkin' in my mind, what the f..ck they doing here?
Suddenly I'm caught up and there's no time to muck 'round
Lucky I got here, 'cause my body 'bout to shut down
[Verse 2]
Back to square one, nah man, you can't quit
You gotta wean yourself off, that's some hard shit
What the f..ck man, my brain is a mess
I can't remember that much, feel the pain in my legs
I wish it was that easy, I could give up and go
And people still got the hide to tell me pick up my phone
Maybe that's my fault, I didn't speak on it much
I didn't see it as a problem, I would keep it from cunts
Rates could always tell, when I couldn't pronounce
Certain words, brain dead, yeah should I be proud?
Anxiety was killin' me, the doctors couldn't deal with me
Put me on a program cut me down off the pills and weed
All scared, 'cause I feel on my own
I told 'em "let me chill", now they think I'm dissin' 'em bro
Waking up tired, I gotta take more pills
And I don't even wanna take 'em, is this f..ckin' for real?
Losin' touch with myself, it's like reality's false
It's like I'm walkin' around without havin' a pulse
It's a feelin' of death, or like nothin' is left
Lose air, I'm holdin' my chest, just put a hole in my head
You see the older I get, it's gettin' scary as f..ck
I'm like an eighteen in the head, I weren't aware of those drugs
The shit that they cause, I talk to mirrors on walls
I don't need this shit ever, but to pills I will fall
[Verse 3]
I opened up on No Rest, told cunts everything
That I done ice, didn't leave out anything
I quit that shit, yeah, I left it flat dead
That was five years ago, they still think I'm a crackhead
If that's what we're goin' off, f..ck me dead
In five years, I'll be clean, they'll be calling me a Xanny head
Funny how the world works for a paycheck
Once the fame hit, I became a train wreck
I wasn't shit anyway, so why does it count?
Why so many people love me? I can't figure it out
But I'm tellin' you now, don't you follow my path
Look you couldn't if you tried, 'cause I'm goin' in hard
F..ck it, poppin' a pill, just to go out today
How'd I end up like this? I don't know, it's a way
Well I'm blamin' the fame, yeah, I said it before
But it's enough to make me high, feel like endin' it all, but I
[Verse 4]
Brush it off, got the fans on my side too
And my girl and my brothers and the whole crew
Spillin' the truth, it's like all I can do
That's why I don't have time for rappers that are saying they true
When they lie to their fans, apologise in the end
I never lied to mine and this is why I'm the man
I tell you what I'm goin' through, I don't care what they think
That's why I'm triple popping pills, leaning over the sink
I'm almost f..ckin' crying as I'm writin' this shit
'Cause of all my close ones, and the lives I affect
I came from the bottom, I made it my problem
Created the option, now fame has adopted
My brain gotta stop it, insane I am not this
Strange we got Scott sick, I'ma watch a clock tick
Just f..ck off, I said it just f..ck off
If I won't have my tablets I'll find a bridge to jump off
F..cking idiots, thinking that the shit is cool
Till they dyin' in the vomit of there own drool
What I meant to say? Don't do what I done
I've cut down on the program, yeah I've won
Repped it from the street, turned into a star then
Caught a f..cking habit on the Xanax but the bars went
Crazy and I'm just dealin' with fame
I just want my fans to know that I'll still be the same
I'm good