King Missile I'm Sorry
No I never was in vietnam I never once dove into an empty swimming pool I never let the carpet walk right out from under me I never painted a house or a tree I never did become an exotic dancer or a customer service representative I never took the pulse of a dying duck Or gave mouth to mouth resusitation to a horsefly In a way I spose you could say my experience is quite limited For example, I never locked Oliver Cromwell in a brrom closet while singing Waltzing Matilda I never sawed a television in half Although I once saw Wendy O'Williams saw a guitar I never played a decent game of jacks I never played poker with a toothless one eyed pirate who kept picking his teeth with a bowie knife to distract me while his parrot looked over my shoulder and told him what cards I had by using an elaborate code involving vomiting, chirping and sea shanties I never bought a lamp Wait I did buy a lamp once But I never bought a lantern or a lambskin profolactic I never bought lima beans or lime pudding I never bought a lion or a Lionel Richie album I never bought anything beginning with the letter "L" Except lollipops, lightbulbs and lettuce ... and the lamp I never layed down for a nap and found the Everly brotehrs in bed with me I never let a cyborg take out the garbage I'm sorry I stole the radio I did it I sawed the legs off the periodic table I re-elected the President I did it, it was my fault I farted in the church I'm sorry I did many many bad things And I am so sorry
