Tim Minchin Some People Have It Worse Than Me
Well I wake up in the morning at 11:47 and I can’t
believe I have to face the horror of another f..cking
day
And the magnificent magnitude of my morning erection
merely mocks me like the sun in its optimistic greeting
of the day
Managing to manifest a modicum of motivation I meander
to the kitchen make a mission out of mixing Nescafe
But the milk is going off and coffee by itself is
bitter and there’s ants all through the sugar and the
supermarket’s miles a-fuckin'-way
My life is pretty sad
But I know that I should be glad.
At least I’m not a starving Ethiope
Or a policeman in Bagdad
At 11:53 I instigate the day’s ablutions in the hope my
constitution can be altered by some action on the bowl
But the total non-existence of colonic animation seems
to me the perfect metaphor for the utter constipation
of my soul
By 11:59 I have decided that my life would be
immediately improved by a carefully written list of
short-term goals
But by 12.05 my list consists of 1-dot put some pants
on, 2-dot go to the shop, buy some prunes and Panadol
My life is pretty shit
But I know I shouldn’t whinge about it
I could be a Palestinian
Driving buses on the Gaza strip
Yeah how bad can it be?
Some people have it worse than me
I could be a child prostitute
Or Gary Glitter’s family
I have no right to cry
Some people have it worse than I
I could be a thalidomide kid
With something in my eye
At 12:30 I realise I’m feeling so dejected that I’ve
totally neglected the beginning of the Jerry Springer
show
So I settle on the sofa try to focus an iota of my
motor-neurones on the brilliant insights for which
Jerry is known
And although on any other day a show entitled “Midgets
Midget Midgets” would excite me like a virgin at her
year eleven ball
Today those little jelly-wresting fellas fail to free
me of my misery instead they simply serve to make me
feel three foot tall
But how bad can it be?
Some people have it worse than me
I could be a Jewish stand up comedian
In Nazi Germany
Or I could be a Dockers fan
Or an orphan in Pakistan
Or the architect of the World Trade Centre
Or a bobcat driver in Bam Iran
I could be making an investigation
Of a backpack in an underground station
Or I could be a peace-loving speech-writer
In George W’s administration
Yeah I know that I don’t have the right
To be unhappy with my life
I could be Paris Hilton’s mother
Or Shane Warne’s wife
And I know that I shouldn’t be bitchin'
I could be in a worse position
I could be a 3-nippled naturopath
In the days of the Spanish inquisition
I know I have no right to cry
Some people have it worse than I
I could have a serious nut allergy
And be shipwrecked on an island with a crate of
Snickers bars
A jar of Nutella and a fresh baked pecan pie
Some people have it worse than I