Amanda Gentry Letting Go
Waking up to a brand new day as I start the beinging to the end of my last year of high school. In the past 3 years I was able to understand high school life and the heartbreaks but that has taught me it wasn't true love and I could move on. The first day I saw you I put that all aside and let you in because the first day I met you I felt safe but puzzled but you smiled which made me believe what I now realize was a lie but I didn't know until it was too late. You followed me the first day I met you and you looked at me and you knew I had to get surgery to fix my heart and I told you when I come back I will be very careful not to let it break and you promised to keep it safe. A few weeks pass I was hanging with out at our spot during our lunch time then you told me I had to leave in ten minutes then the girl who I knew you were hurting me with comes walking down the hall and I turned back and looked at you with tears in my eyes and I said and I thought you loved me when truth is you only loved yourself and being who you are. Weeks turned into months and you made it harder and harder on me to go through the day without getting caught up in your feelings for me everytime I wrote you a note the class before just to make sure you would show I was done with that because I was ready to let go. Then Feburary 14th came and I told myself and my friend I'm not going to write him a note because he has been tottaly ignoring the fact I caught him in a lie and I don't like this holiday so I became upset and went to our stairs spot and cried by the wall. Then as I got up to leave I heard someone come up the stairs and I ran because I thought it was a teacher so I began to run down the hallway then I heard your voice say "Happy Valentines Day Amanda" I turned back and before I did I said to myself is this for real so I got myself togther before I turned around and when I did you were already walking towards me. You said what's wrong I said your making this hard on me because I have fallen so hard for you and when we break apart we always come back togther but it's killing me because we both know we are falling hard for each other but I told you I had to let go but now its even harder then before. Then you kissed me and you promised to stick with me forever and who knew your version of forever expires the day after I start trusting you again. I realized the time has come and its really hard for me to do this but I'm letting go I don't want to but I know its for the best my fate was in and is still in your hands letting go of you will and is the hardest thing i had to do but i know that if we were really meant to be you would have realized that i did love and still am falling hard but im afraid because you wont show me that you truly love me i know you and you can tell i do or i wouldnt keep coming back. But for now I have to say this I'm letting go of all of this hurt and crying and my fate is still in your hands but I hope you relaize that letting go of you was the hardest thing I had to do but it had to be done and I will be hurt but I will find the strength to move on i just hope you realize i will miss you and im letting go so i can find myself and start my future and im letting go of the past old me that you used and hurt. God has just gave my brain a clear start and I'm letting go of all the past and the lies and moving forward to start my life as a soon to be last teen year 19 and I am happy that I am free. I'm letting go but remeber this I Will always be there my old hurt heart and self and mind is with you but you wont ruin my new life because im letting go. This isnt a goodbye its a goodbye to the old me yes but to you its a flash before your eyes saying you pushed me to a good place showing me i do and i have always had the strength to say im letting go