Struck By A Vehicle Lyrics

Dane Cook Struck By A Vehicle

Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true.
I finally got to see something I've always wanted to
witness live.
I finally saw someone get hit by a car.
*car/person collision noise*
Nailed, this guy got hit right in the hip.
That's your center of gravity and that sends you
flipping through the air like Eddie Gordo from Tekken
when someone doesn't know how to do combos and they're
just hitting the buttons randomly.

I always just miss it, right?
I'm looking, and then I go to order my twisty cone.
*Collision noise* Oh what, what happened?!
The guy got hit? No.
I just went to order my twisty cone and I missed it.

This guy gets nailed.. this is the setup.
He's walking down the street and he's doing that wacky
speed walk.. he's got the buds in his ears, and I don't
know what you're listening to that makes you do this
f..cking walk.
Maybe just a tambourine or maracas.
You're just.. *shookashookashookashooka*.
So Johnny Tambourine is walking down the street, he's
got the "not a good time to cross" signal. As he's
going across, I see the car *car noise* coming down the
street. When I see the car coming, I'm like "yesssss
finally. don't talk to me. don't talk to me I gotta see
this." *collision noise*

The guy goes flying into the air, his shoes flew off.
When you get hit by a car, sometimes your shoes will
fly off. Sometimes your pants will come off. But I was
not fortunate enough to see the pants portion on this
strike.

And before I go any further, here's the best part. This
is how he lands on the other side of the car -- which
was a dodge by the way, and I thought that was kind of
funny and ironic. I just -- I got a little humor out of
that. I did try to help this man, as the car was coming
towards him I reached out and I said "ohhhhh. ohhhhh."
That's all I could think of to say. theres so many
things now in retrospect that I would love -- I would
love to have been like "you're about to get struck by a
vehicle!!!" I did not have time to say "You're about to
get struck by a vehicle" so I went with "ohhhhh!" which
is like a concerned moan.

The guy gets tagged okay, the greatest part of the
story. He's in the air flipping around, this is how he
lands on the other side of the car. He comes down
perfectly on his feet and then he jumps in the air and
he starts walking around, embarassed. He's trying to
play it off like he didn't just get hit, by a car.

People around him are like..

--"Oh my god! Oh my god! Are you alright? Are you
okay?"

He's like ..

--"I'm fine, I'm fine. Seriously, I'm fine. I'm a
little bit hungry. But uh other than that I'm fi--"
--"No you should really sit down, you're bleeding from
the ears."
--"I know, I know that. I do that. Every couple of
weeks I empty the blood out of my own head, it's
tradition in my family. Has anyone seen my shoes? I
kicked them off in a fit of joy. I love getting struck
by vehicles and sometimes I'll kick my shoes off in a
fit of joy. I'm fine I'm just gonna go over here and
puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush." *puking
noises*